It's Almost Here!

Can you believe it??? Just one more sleep until my super great, ultra-deluxe, amazingly lavish, way cool, best-birthday-EVER. I'm SO excited I can barely sleep. I may only get 16 hours of snoozing in today! The peeps are going "out" tonight - working on birthday surprises for the Empress, I'm sure! I've also heard through my sources that The Grandma is coming tomorrow morning. Oh it's going to be SO! GOOD! A whole day where I'm the centre of attention - shouldn't every day be like that, really?

Tomorrow's the DAY!

Yes, it is! My big birthday number TWO! The peeps must be really good at keeping a secret because they haven't let anything leak yet about their lavish plans, but I'm sure they've got something befitting an Empress planned. Today I think our list should be about PRESENTS in case any of the guests haven't finished up their shopping yet!

-New big cat bed, preferably leopard print 'cause it goes so nice with my fur
-Toy mousies with tails (I chew the tails off 'em pretty quick, so I always need a new one)
-Cat door! So I can go OUT whenever I want and I can bring IN anything I want. They always make me leave the good stuff outside.
-A LADDER so I can go up high into the cedar tree and ...visit... the baby birds in the spring
-A laser lackey, so I don't have to wait around for the Can Opener to "feel" like playing with me
-A really smelly pair of boots (my favourite toys!)
-A big pile of clean laundry to lay on and get nice and hairy
-Someone to help me catch the cursor. It frustrates me so much that I can't catch that tricky little thing!
-More houseplants. We used to have a lot more houseplants, but now we don't. They were a great salad bar for me. I don't know why the fleshies didn't replace them when I'd eaten my fill.
-A cute wee hamster! Or maybe a couple!
-Baby birds (oops, silly me, those baby birds should be on the GUEST LIST, I don't know why they keep showing up on other lists...)

Party Food!

It can't be a big birthday extravaganza without some tasty treats, so here is the list of what I want to eat at my party -

-warm cream
-tuna juice with NO pills in it
-toilet water (mmmm...so good! I love the water from the indoor pond, but those fleshies always close the lid so I can never have it when I want)
-lobster (I've heard it's good)
-shrimp (I KNOW this is good)
-goat cheese
-maybe I'd like to try eating a goat too...their cheese is so tasty, they must be too
-tuna 'n egg canned food that hasn't been in the fridge
-grated cheddar cheese
-big hairy flies
-pork chop bones (I always try and get one of these but the peeps always thwart me)
-lots of baby birds (oops, that one is from the GUEST list, not the party food list! Silly me)

The Guest List

I've been working on the list of who I want to come to my big birthday extravaganza! Here's who I've got so far...

Party Guests:

-Zephyr
-My Fleshies (I guess I have to invite them)
-Uncle Glen (I like the way he scritches me under the chin)
-Glennie's Mom (just because she likes me)
-That nice Mailman (who always tells me how pretty I am)
-The Grandma ('cause she spoils me)
-The Grandma's Friend ('cause she was nice to me when she was here)
-My nice Vet and her supernice technician (but I don't want them to bring any of those icky "healthy treats")
-Lots of baby birds
-I'd like to invite all you dear readers, but I know you live too far away

Who is NOT NOT NOT invited:

-My nemesis Moxie
-My doppleganger from across the street
-That neighbour who hosed me last summer (I haven't forgotten you...)
-Anyone who works at the Prednisolone factory
-The painters, the drywallers, the electrician or anyone else who caused me to be confined when I wanted to be free
-NO foster kitties
-Oscar and Belle (They're The Grandma's kitties - the came for Christmas and that was almost too much to bear. That traitor Zephyr PLAYED with them all week while I was busy hissing and giving them the evil eye)
-Any other neighbourhood cats (the only one I can stand is that big, handsome-in-a-torn-ear-mangy -kind-of-way, unneutered male that sprays all over our garden - for some reason I find him IRRESISTABLE)
-Russell Crowe (one time I saw him on TV and I scratched the TV REALLY hard, trying to get him out of there so I could eat him)

8 More Sleeps!

Yes, that's right folks, it's just 8 more sleeps until your Empress has her BIRTHDAY. It's the big 2 for me and I'm extremely excited about my party! I don't know what the fleshies have planned, but I'm sure it's going to be LAVISH. Gifts galore. Visits from my favourite peeps. Snacks aplenty. That sort of thing. I deserve it don't I?

I love being the centre of attention.

What should I put on my birthday wish list? I've always thought I'd really enjoy a hamster. Oh! And if we had a goat then the peeps could make me goat cheese anytime I felt like it!

Just a picture of Zephyr for your enjoyment.

I really don't mind this

Ahhhh, it's good to have a friend to snooze with even if they can't keep their feet to themselves, but at least Zephyr doesn't kick in his sleep like the Can Opener does. That's why I sleep wedged between the Door Opener's knees or on her feet or sometimes even tucked up under her chin. I'm safe from the sleep twitching, jerking and kicking of the Can Opener there and it's warm and cozy and safe too.

Cue funky "get it on" music

We have a LOT of snails in our yard. A LOT. And now the peeps think they know WHY we have a lot of snails in our yard. It seems like our snails are very friendly with each other. We took this picture of them ... hugging ... when we were outside the other day. I thought it was pretty boring and went off to chase those flittery butterflies, but the fleshies thought this was fascinating and bizarre. Stupid fleshies.

YUM

The Girl made her lunch and then left it in the living room while she went to make tea. I thought she left it there for me so that I could try a new treat. Ohhhhhhhh, and it was sooooooooo good. I knew that cheddar cheese was one of my favourite foods ever, but I never knew that the cheese that those homely goats made would be SO VERY TASTY. I was just getting started when she came back. For some reason she wasn't happy that I was sharing with her. That human is so inconsistent...leave the plate out for me and then get mad when I have some.

*psychic message to fleshies* more goat cheese more goat cheese more goat cheese

I know, I know, I know.

I know, I know, I know. You're all wondering where your Empress has been. How have you all been surviving without me? Fact is, the peeps have been out of town and when the Grandma is here I am just SO busy. The Grandma lets me out WHENEVER I WANT TO and she even snuggles me and plays with me and gives me treats and hardly makes me do anything I don't want to do. Yay Grandma! You can see why I've got to do a LOT of napping now that she's gone. I'm exhausted! But now my fleshies are home from their jaunt to the big big big city and we're back to our old routine.

*Yawn* Must find Zephyr and go for a good long snooze now.

My Week So Far

The weather's lovely, and I've been spending a lot of time outside.

What more do I need to say?

OK, I'll add this: the peeps came back from their little get-away last night, with smiles on their faces but too exhausted to offer much entertainment for their kitties. Zephyr and I didn't really miss them much, to be brutally honest (and what else can we be?). In their absence, we probably received more attention than usual, and I had the pleasure of being let out pretty much whenever I demanded. Thanks, Grandma!

Countdown to Freedom!

I heard through the grapevine that on Sunday, the Grandma (I'm not sure if she likes it when I call her that; I think "I am not that cat's grandmother!" were her exact words) is coming to take care of the house and Zephyr while the peeps are out of town for a couple days (I can take care of myself, thanks very much). What does that mean for me? After 9 days of imprisonment, I finally get to go outside! Morning, noon and night! Whenever I feel like it, a "mewp" at the back door is usually all that's necessary to persuade her to open it for me.

She's a soft touch.

Oh the humiliation!

Unbelievably, I'm still grounded. And to make matters worse, the Can Opener just dropped a copy of "Patio Daddy-o: '50s Recipes With a '90s Twist" on me. I thought the sky was falling! You should have seen me run! I definitely wasn't expecting that one. I guess I'm a little jittery. Cabin fever and such.

To top it off, the Can Opener thinks we should highlight the above reference to that stupid book and make it a link to Amazon. He says if anybody follows the link and buys the book, he gets a nickel or something. The Door Opener keeps calling him a "Goober". I'm not quite sure what that means. The internet gives different meanings for that word.