Ahhhhhhhhh

Where does the Empress relax? Anywhere she wants to! The sink may be one of the "places I'm not allowed". I'll have to check and see if I need to add it to the list. Not that it will change whether or not I choose to hang out there...

Sometimes I dream of flying.

Harnessed?

Timmy has brought to my attention that some cats go outside while wearing a leash and harness and this intrigues me. Oh no no no - not for ME. I can't see how my fleshy humans could make it up on to the neighbour's roof or into the tallest cedar tree with me. But maybe for my fur brother, Zephyr. Right now Zephy is strictly indoor only and that's the way he likes it - he doesn't even ASK to go out. He was in the wild as a kitten and is now scared of ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING and would prefer just to hang out and nap (which probably contributes to his plumpness). Okay folks...he even used to be scared of BIRDS (One of the first things I did was teach him that birds are cool, not scary). I guess he had enough of being scared and alone and hungry outside 'cause now he's not even interested in what's on the other side of the door. But outside is FABULOUS! I love to sniff things, chase bugs, run in the long grass, hide under the lilies, meet other cats, walk along the fence, get pats from the neighbours and help the peeps with projects. The peeps worry about me getting lost or in trouble too, but they REALLY worry about what would happen to Zephyr out there. They're afraid that Zeph would get spooked really easilly if he went out and then he would get lost or he would just hide and in general it would all just be too stressful for him. I agree, but maybe with a leash he could feel the sun and do some exploring and sniffing while still feeling safe and protected by a peep. Maybe I should get the Door Opener to look into it...

Here's a short list of some of the things Zephyr is scared of:

-garbage bags
-boots
-when anybody walks into a room and he's not expecting it
-squirrels
-the vacuum (but I agree with him on this one)
-noises (all of them, including music)
-the door
-the toilet flushing (but he's getting better about this one)
-being picked up if he doesn't want to be picked up
-eye cream
-any peeps that aren't his peeps (he really likes his peeps)
-ladders

Oh the felinity of it all!

My friends, I am writing today on a very grave matter. It's a beautiful summer day. . . and I'm inside. This is wrong on so many levels, I can't begin to start. The Can Opener is outside painting the back deck, and I'm locked inside. He says it's to protect my nice clean paws from being coated in the Silver Grey it-doesn't-wash-off-with-water deck paint. As if I'd be so dumb as to walk on the paint! Who does he take me for, Zephyr?

How could he think of doing anything outside without me? I'm such a good helper.

Birthday

The Door Opener's birthday was this week. I really wanted to get her a sweet and tender baby bird to...cuddle... but they're just too tricky for me to get my furry little paws on. Believe me, I've been trying all spring. Of course if I had got a wee baby robin for her I might have been tempted to keep it for myself. Just the thought of ...cuddling... one of those cute little babies gives me the *shivers*. I caught some spiders and a moth this week and I thought she might like those, but I got hungry... Instead I helped her in the garden by playfully attacking her hands through the fence while she was weeding and I gave her a big snuggle on the couch, which usually isn't my thing. She deserves it. The Door Opener is pretty good to me. Lets me in and out and in and out and in and out. Fills my bowls with crunchies and water. Lets me sleep on her neck when I feel like it. Pats me and tells me I'm pretty. Never gets mad at me or yells at me when I'm in a mood.

Here's to you, Door Opener! Happy Birthday!

I Wish I Was Outside Right Now

But I'm not outside. It's dark out, and I came in just before the sun completely disappeared. I'm not often out so late. The Can Opener even came out searching for me. I was in the backyard, staring down my nemesis from across the street. The nerve of that cat, thinking he's allowed in my backyard! I don't cross the street to invade his domain, yet he thinks he has the run of the whole neighbourhood. He better watch it. I'm willing to fight to protect what's mine.

But not now. Now I tire. That's what running around all evening will do to you. Guess I may as well go to bed. My battles will wait until morning.

The Fur Brother

Some of you out there have been saying that you wanted to see a picture of my fur brother, Zephyr, or as he's known around here "Two-Tons-of-Fun", "Wide Load", "Chunk Style", "The Chubster", "Too Plush to Rush" or "Built for Comfort". We all love Zeph, but he's not really a specimen of feline beauty and grace. Yep, he's chubby AND clumsy (we try not to let him see us laugh when he falls off a chair). He makes a really excellent sidekick for me and for some reason the peeps think he's "nice" and "sweet" and "gentle" and "good-hearted" because he never expresses how he feels with hissing or growling like I do. I just think he's kind of slow and maybe a little repressed...

The Mantel

Here I am just hanging out on the mantel...

Places I'm Not Allowed

I'm not allowed on the mantel. That may or may not be the reason that it's one of my very favourite places...

Ham

So the peeps were making Monte Cristo sandwiches for dinner and when they left the room I hopped my sweet self up on to the counter and helped myself to my share of the ham. The boy peep was confused though and tried to take my share away from me. That confused me too so I had to growl at him. Later he put the ham he'd so rudely taken away from me in my dish but I'm not into it anymore.

The Painters

This is me watching those evil painters finishing up the kitchen windows. They've certainly cramped my style in the past couple of weeks, but I must admit that my newly blue house does look fabulous. They are FINALLY finished so my life can get back to normal. What's normal for the Empress? Being able to go in and out and in and out and in and out as much as she wants to during daylight hours (only cats looking for trouble are out at night). The Door Opener thinks SHE is in charge, but we'll see who gets her way tomorrow...

Also

Another thing I can't get enough of is finding the perfect sunny spot for a snooze.

Things I Love

Some of you fleshies seem to be getting the wrong idea about the Empress. Some of you seem to think that I spend my time raging against the world and being hissy all day every day. Yes, I do have an enemies list (and you'd better hope you're not on it) and sometimes I need to express myself, but I also have a list of things I adore...

• canned food
• the mailman (he makes kissy noises at me and pats me and tells me how pretty I am)
• the leopard print catbed
• my fur brother Zephyr
• roasting my belly by the fire
• posing for photographs
• sleeping
• tuna juice
• helping the peeps with EVERYTHING
• walking along the top of the fence
• that fine fleshie, Uncle Glen
• napping
• birdwatching
• hanging out on the top of the fridge
• the view from the bedroom window seat
• hiding under the lilies
• having my belly rubbed
• chasing the cursor
• snoozing
• climbing the cat palace
• playing with ping pong balls
• cheese
• rest and relaxation
• my peeps

Oh! And you of course! My loyal fans! How could I forget you!

What a party!

Ahhhhh, what a fabulous party! The peeps thought about banishing me to the basement, but good thing for them that they let me join in the fun. It wouldn't have been much of a party without me! And what fun it all was! So much adoration for the Empress. It's always good to have a lot of fleshies around to tell me how incredibly beautiful I am. I adored going in and out and in and out and in and out the always open door - I really think it should be like that every day! I was in such an exceptionally good mood that I even almost let a baby pat me. Almost. I think opening the presents was my favourite part and I was extremely helpful.

A Party!

A party! A party! A PARTY! Oh, I am SO excited! Tomorrow there will be a party! I wonder if it's my birthday? There will be tons of treats to eat, new peeps to adore and pat me and tell me I'm beautiful, wrapping paper to shred, old friends to get reaquainted with, lots of fleshies to lavish me with attention and open the door for me a million times! Oh! They're even going to be out in the yard hanging out with me. Yes! Oh, it's going to be SO good. Zephyr isn't so into it - he doesn't like strange peeps...but that's okay - more attention for ME!

Zephyr, a vacuum cleaner with fur...

Bucky Katt and my Zephyr have the same definition of what's edible and what isn't. The peep had to wrestle a screw away from Zeph the other day... Have you checked out "Get Fuzzy"? Truly a finely wrought portrait of life with a feline who's large and in charge. Bucky has cattitude I really admire and his fleshy and the canine are hilarious.

If your pathetic human eyes find that cartoon too small to read just click on it and it will open in a bigger window.

Napville, Population 1

Ahhhhh, it's good to be a cat. I'm having a lovely snooze-filled day. It's raining out there so I don't want to go out anyway (I don't like my perfectly white paws to get muddy). The catbed is just soooooo comfy. If you need me I'll be here...actually, scratch that. If you need me, go away - I'm sleeping.